Fairy Recipes:

2: Faerie Sponge Cake:

Grind a goodly portion of wheat seeds into a very fine powdery flour, so fine as to be like the finest dust. Measure out three acorn cups full, each filled level with the brim. Add fourteen drops of dew essence to the flower in a mixing bowl. Be sure to blend gently and only turn your stirring stick to the east then north then west and so forth (the other direction will make your cake heavy and grumpy.)

Next, add a sprinkling of Mungwort and Ground Teeth (the tooth fairy might help supply this, if your local squirrel store is out of it) stir lightly and sing a pleasant nonsensical melody. Now add very finely ground dried apples, or icing sugar if you are human, about two acorn cupfuls will do. Mix gently (stirring in the proper direction as above.) Pour the mixture (which should now be light and fluffy) into cake tins, or leaf cups if you are a real fairy.

Bake in a moderate oven for thirty five minutes. Pour over some whortleberry jam and top with a cherry. Spendicious!

1: Troll Pancakes:

Take one small cow or heifer, or perhaps a large sheep; remove all of the internal squidgy bits and bones. Place the meaty carcass (with it’s hide still on) upon a flat stone and sit on it for an hour or two. You could spend this time anticipating the delicious meal it will make.

Once the meat has been thoroughly flattened, take a full sack of corn and two buckets of thick lard. Blend the two on the flat stone until they have made a nice gooey mixture. Coat the meat on both side with a good thick layer of the corn and fat mixture. Put the raw pancake to one side (you could coat it with oats and salt to improve the flavour and fibre, if you have more sophisticated tastes) and build a large roaring log fire upon the flat stone.

Once this has burnt down to hot coals, rake them off (do not use your hands, even a troll can be burnt!) Quickly flop the pre-prepared pancake on the flat stone – it should sizzle satisfyingly immediately, otherwise the stone is not hot enough. After a few minutes, flip the pancake over to cook the other side. When it has been nicely browned, on both sides, eat immediately. Try it with a jar of birds’ brain pickle from your local goblin delicatessen.